Why are they so damn...... everything?!

I love that he sees all the good in me, I love that he thinks I'm so sexy and I love that he is willing to do anything for us and our family. So I'm not just bitching to point out flaws or complain complain complain.

When I'm feeling down, and I mean darkest of down and I reach out to him and let him know I'm not coping well and he responds with something sarcastic or dirty it makes me feel completely unheard. Unheard and irrelevant. So why did I even reach out? Why did I open up and let him know I was feeling so terrible? Aren't men supposed to want to fix things? Not make jack-ass sarcastic responses. 

When I say, "I'm feeling completely useless" while watching him load up the Home Depot Cart with lumber for our basement renovations and he responds with, "That's because you are" it fucking stings. I know how he means it, I do. At this point, his intention doesn't fucking matter because the perception overrides it. I have one arm to use, I can't do up my bra let alone help stack lumber and he wants to add on to the mental load of negativity that I'm already carrying around?! Well congratulations, now I don't even WANT to help you. Congratulations, I'm now not even interested in helping to frame our basement. Have fun alone, with all your godamn usefulness.

Don't tell me I'm handicapped, don't tell me I'm useless and don't ask me to help out when you've been such an asshole. I'm not petty and I'm not childish; I'm mentally exhausted and I'm in pain every day. I'm not asking you to cut me slack but holy, if you could just have some respect for what's going on right now it would make a world of difference. Oh yeah, and maybe listen when I speak. That would be nice too. And maybe stop hitting on me, show me you love me for something other than sex and/or certain parts of my body.

Sometimes we just need to get things out and that's all that I'm doing; It's a healthy part of being in my marriage and those who know me/us know that I love my husband very much. I don't feel the need to preface everything with "I love my husband but" type sentences because I'm married to him. I do love him. Not everything is negative either so please hold off on your judging and take a step back to get some perspective.

No doubt, I will be the subject of similar rants and I'm ok with that. At the end of the day we talk this stuff out and move on, learn from it and do things better. 

Today tough, today I am bitchy and I just want to scream.

Moldy Oldies

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