Professional my A**

Have you ever had a Dr tell you, "No, that's not a thing"? Your whole world comes crashing down and you're left to wonder, "Well what is it then?" because it was another Doctor that told you it was!

When I was 20 years old I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and Bi-Polar II. As a lot of you know, reaching out and following through with help is really damn hard. Admitting you need help, making the phone call and then actually showing up.... that takes guts.

Now imagine you're afraid of picking up the phone. Imagine the sound of that ringing causing your blood pressure to sky rocket and your skin to feel the ringing over your entire body. The dread that comes with knowing somebody else is likely to pick up the phone, oh my god I should just hang up. I can't hang up, I really really need to hang up but I shouldn't. I need help, I should be able to make a phone call I should be able to pick up the receiver without having a panic attack. If I hang up now, I'm defeated. Utterly defeated. 

The first step is the hardest. The second one isn't much easier and sometimes the 24th is just as hard as the third. But it does get easier, when you start to see the rewards, the payoff from doing all the hard things it makes the next hard thing you have to do easier. 

So when a health professional looks you in the face and tells you that you're not bi-polar II because it's "not a thing, you're either bi-polar or you're not" after you've repeatedly asked for help and followed the process.... It's devastating. 

As a result of this one appointment I went 15 years not knowing what was "wrong" with me. I worked at the anxiety, I tried meds, I went to counselling blah blah blah (that's a story for another time) and now I'm a pretty functional adult. But that *one* thing, that up and down, that sudden change in moods and feelings was really interrupting my whole life. Why couldn't I control it? Why is it hitting me like a brick today? What the fuck is wrong with me? 

Having a cup of coffee one day, watching Dr Phil, the couple on t.v was arguing about the husbands mental health. The husband claims he's Bi-Polar II and the wife says, "That's not a thing" and Dr Phil says..... you guessed it, "Yes it is". As he went on to describe what this illness means and how it presents I was in tears. Me, he was describing me. This is my life he's talking about.

Google. Google is always the next step haha Long story short.... I have Bi-Polar II disorder. It is a thing, and I live with it every day. I cope with it, I struggle with it... it's always there. But knowing that I'm not imagining things and knowing there's nothing "wrong" with me was so encouraging, so vindicating! 

Fight for yourself, advocate for yourself and don't let a professional tell you something that your gut knows is wrong. Question authority and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. 

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